Pricing
The Roast
$5- *Full natal chart calculation via Swiss Ephemeris — planets, houses, aspects to the exact degree
- *A radically honest, surgically precise comedic reading of your entire chart
- *Permanent link to your roast — revisit it whenever you need to be humbled
- *Shareable — inflict it on friends, enemies, exes
Entertainment Only
Astro Roast is a one-time comedic digital entertainment product. The roast is generated from user-provided birth details and astronomical chart calculations, then delivered instantly via a unique web URL. It is not predictive guidance, psychic advice, medical advice, legal advice, financial advice, therapy, or any other regulated or professional service.
One-time payment. No subscriptions. The cosmos doesn't do recurring billing.